Leading aviation scientists today revealed that many plane crashes occur when pilots invite children up to the cockpit and let them play with the controls and buttons.
‘Today’s report is completely shocking,’ Dr Ellen Fielding, who wasn’t involved in the study, told us. ‘We just thought we were losing aeroplanes through sheer randomness.’
Researchers found that placing a Captain’s hat atop a young child’s head led to a 700% increase in cheek pinching, laughter, and death.
The team also made note in their paper that their specially designed test plane – which contained two pilots and a child with flight anxiety – had ‘disappeared’.
They assured the families of those missing that it was probably coincidence.
Daphne Armstrong, the naval officer in charge of the rescue operation, said, ‘I told their families that there’s still hope, but they’re definitely dead.’